My last year in my 20s kicked off with seeing one of my faves Beyoncé and that night I decided that 29 was going to be my year. Everything I wanted to do I was going to try and make happen. Nothing was going to stand in my way. As Jay Z said that night a year ago today " Dream Big and be unrealistic."
1st thing I had planned was my cruise with Backstreet Boys and my BSB Bffs! Moni and Meli! In the past I wasn't able to go to the cruises because I work at a shit job that had this thing called "blackout" no days off during holidays. Which of course was when BSB had their past cruises. Now with my new job I got the opportunity to take time off and enjoy my 1st trip to Miami and the Bahamas. All after Pilar gave birth to her son Ethan.
Prior to the cruise I started to watch the food I was eating thanks to the stomach ulcers I had which we found out was due to my gallbladder being broken. After the cruise I returned to work and that's all I had time for with a trip to Disneyland here and there and hanging with Tammi, Ryder and Carter. I was concerned about making sure everything stayed the same during Pilar's maternity leave. We did a weight loss challenge at work and in my group I lost 8 pounds. Which kicked me into really trying to made lifestyle changes.
The holidays came around and I started to feel like ok maybe I should try this thing they call dating again. It had been forever. I said a prayer/tweeted God I felt my heart was ready to fall. Clearly he listens cause the next day I saw a guy with a killer smile and I was like yep that's what I want. Numbers were exchanged and I spent 2.5 hours on the phone with him. It felt like I was back in HS. Our 1st date of course was magic it was at the happiest place on earth! I thought this was the one for sure he met my mom and brother which says a lot cause Ander is a critic. Fast forward to 6 months later I was heartbroken asking myself wtf did I do wrong? What did I say? Why wasn't I enough? Maybe I didn't love hard enough? Maybe I'll never know. But clearly God was trying to tell me something and I was listening loud and clear. Talk about world shattering. I'm not going to say I didn't have mini break downs cause I did. Thanks to those who checked in and made sure I was ok and just let me cry when I needed to. You all know who you are. This is what all those heartbreak songs people sing about feel like. I wanted no part of it. So I took time to figure out what's my next step? The lesson I learned was that I can't control everything and trusting is something so scary but is also so needed in a relationship. All I could do was pray for understanding and healing. Everything happens for a reason and some lessons are way more painful than others. At some point my happily ever after is bound to happen.
I had already made plans to continue my work outs with coworkers. I was officially down 60 pounds. Then it was time to start the planning of my Dirty 30! Which was bittersweet cause I felt a big part of my 29th year wouldn't be there to celebrate with me like I had planned. I carried on and went along with making arrangements, got invites made and mailed out, decorations, food, cake and goodies picked out. Plus my Beyoncé "Blow" inspired outfit! I am ready to turn 30!
As this decade of my life closes I'm super freaked out and excited at the same time. This year was eventful to say the least and I feel stronger than ever mentally, physically and emotionally. For 30th year I'm going to continue to "Dream Big and be unrealistic" plus they say 30s are the new 20s right?
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